we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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