I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
