I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
