if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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