i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
