I wish my penis had an off switch
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had to cum in my sink.
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