I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
a search helicopter?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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