She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
