3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
