Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize