he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
