I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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