THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
