the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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