I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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