enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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