This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
