I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
