My hand turned me down
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
