can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
