apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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