No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
