Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
