I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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