The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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