I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and she was petting her beer can
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize