My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
