operation harelip BJ is a go
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
