So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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