I wish I only lived at night.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize