We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
