Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
