When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
