i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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