Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
