my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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