i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize