I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
