just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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