I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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