if only i could text you this smell
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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