K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
