just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
