I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
