is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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