I bet he comes in French.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
