I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
