what day is it and did you see me today?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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