I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
