im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
True strength comes from lack of pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize