Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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