Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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