my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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