there's paper in my vomit.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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