you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
