I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
