Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
