How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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