Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
