I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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